I don't really know what's going on in my head or heart right now.
I guess that procrastination really does do things to you.
I'm having this guilt trip that's going on and I'm trying, I'm trying I'm trying to remember. I'm trying to put the pieces back together to the time before they all fell apart. Before I almost grew out of my awkward stage. Why is it this summer where I find all these things out? What's with the changes of time and the constant flow of it? How come it won't stop? I don't know whether it's better I'm a fool or not. Whether it's better I've changed or not.

I guess only time will tell?

I've been asked so many questions on what I've done but I've read up on my sins.

I guess it's well deserved. I've deserved worse.

And the worse thing is, I don't know how I feel, how I should re-act.
How I changed, what I said, do I lead you on?

Who am I to do all this and just not know how to feel?

Is it a facade the things I've said and done up till now?

'Fuck, fuck, fuck.'

And I think I'm actually jealous of that person, well in a weird way that is. I miss some things, I'm curious. I want the same passion...or I'm confusing myself again. I don't want to be a chameleon.

I guess I'll go drown in my homework and hope that all the things coming up this week with keep me until I can figure out what the fuck's up with me. Or I'll just make another mask and hope it won't crack.


[My computer's down so I'm using my mother's. My internet time is inconsistent. I don't know whether I want people answering to this or not, because I guess I was just putting something up; my thoughts. I'll make a real journal soon...]